Little Words, Big Feelings: Helping Kids Understand “Small Hurts”

At Perri’s Pencil Problem, we believe kindness is something kids can learn, practice, and grow—just like reading or sharing. One of the ways we do that is by helping children understand something called microaggressions. That’s a big word for a very simple idea:

Sometimes people say or do small things that can hurt someone’s feelings—even if they didn’t mean to.

For young kids, we like to call these “small hurts” or “unkind moments.”

Making It Make Sense for Kids

Children understand the world best through simple language and real-life examples. When talking about small hurts, try saying:

• “Sometimes people say or do things that can hurt others’ feelings, even if they don’t mean to.”

• “These are called small hurts or unkind moments.”

Then give examples they might hear or recognize:

• “That hair is weird.”

• “You can’t play because you’re a girl/boy.”

• “Why do you talk like that?”

Explain gently:

Even if someone thinks they’re joking, those words can still hurt.

Teaching the Big Ideas

This is where the heart of the lesson lives.

Kids are naturally curious about differences—but they need guidance on how to talk about them with kindness.

Help them understand:

• Kind words matter.

• Everyone is different—and that’s a good thing.

• We don’t point out differences in a mean or hurtful way.

When we frame differences as something positive, kids begin to see diversity as something to celebrate, not tease.

What Kids Can Do

Empowerment is everything. Kids need simple, clear language they can actually use in the moment.

Give them phrases like:

• “That hurt my feelings.”

• “Please don’t say that.”

• “That’s not kind.”

Also encourage them to:

• Tell a teacher or trusted adult

• Be a helper and check in with others: “Are you okay?”

These small actions build confidence and empathy—two skills that last a lifetime.

Tips for Grown-Ups

Kids are always watching. The way adults speak and respond teaches them what’s okay and what’s not.

Here’s how you can support them:

• Model kind, inclusive language in everyday conversations

• Gently correct unkind words in the moment

  • “We don’t say that—let’s try again kindly.”

• Notice and praise empathy

  • “I like how you helped your friend.”

These moments matter more than we think.

Bringing It Back to “Say Something Sweet”

At the core of Perri’s Pencil Problem is one simple but powerful idea:We can choose our words.

When kids learn to recognize “small hurts,” they also learn they have the power to create big kindness instead.

So whether it’s in the classroom, on the playground, or at home, let’s keep reminding our kids:

Say something sweet. It makes a difference.